Brahmins protest against Navyshastra

Press release
Sorryville, Michigan
14 December, 2007

Navyshastra apologized to a bitch and initiated her as a Brahmin recently much to worldwide media fanfare. Mission achieved, Navyshastra activists flew back to the JFK airport in New York. They were oblivious to the conspiracy that was hatching in New York.

The 35 million Brahmins living in New York were furious at Mother Joysweet's claim that bitches and dogs chanted the Vedas 14 billion years ago. They decided to teach her a lesson. As her flight landed at the JFK airport, they invaded the airport and uttered a mantra to immobilize the security guards. It was the same mantra that had immobilized Dravidians in 1,900 BCE when Brahmins invaded India. As Joysweet emerged from the aircraft, the Brahmins uttered the dreaded mantra. Alas, it had no effect on Joysweet. Her apologies to Dalits had made her stronger and immune to these mantras. The Brahmins were stunned.

One of the Brahmins then regained his composure and ridiculed Joysweet: "Dogs and bitches cannot even talk. How then can they chant the Vedas?" Other Brahmins laughed derisively. Joysweet coolly and eloquently replied: "The twelfth chapter of the Chandogya Upanishad is called the udgitha of the dogs. In that, a white dog is requested by other dogs to sing. They all chant a sacred mantra. This proves that dogs can not only speak but also sing."

The Brahmins bowed their heads in shame. Navyshastra activists smiled admiringly. How easily has Joysweet demolished the wily Brahmins? As Navyshastra activists were relishing a great victory, a deadly war cry emanated from the JFK toilets: "Hallelujah!" A million Hispanic janitors emerged. Navyshastra activists panicked and attempted to flee. But Joysweet spoke reassuringly: "These are Hispanic Dalits."

Those soothing words touched the hearts of the Hispanic janitors. The world had steadfastly refused to acknowledge that they were Dalits until now. They shed grateful tears. Joysweet spoke on: "Four billion years ago, Brahmins forced these one million Hispanic Dalits to clean the 40 JFK toilets. They oppressed the Hispanic Dalits and denied their spiritual rights. Even recently, 400 years ago, Brahmins carried out a brutal Inquisition against the Hispanic Dalits."

She then fell silent for a minute thinking of how Jesuit Brahmins and Dominican Brahmins had butchered the Hispanic Dalits. She wept in grief. The Hispanic Dalits wept along with her. She then comforted them with the words her One True Lord God had once spoken: "Do unto others what others had done unto you."

Everyone nodded in approval - except the Brahmins that is. A tribunal was constituted. Joysweet asked the assembled Brahmins two questions: "Are you Brahmins?" They nodded in the affirmative. This in itself established their guilt beyond a pale of doubt. She then asked them: "Will you accept your guilt and apologize to the Hispanic Dalits?" Some foolhardy Brahmins vehemently denied their guilt. They were marched off to the runway and burnt alive. Other Brahmins who saw this understood what price they would have to pay for denial. They wanted to live so that they could oppress the Brazilian Dalits. They pleaded guilty and apologized to the Hispanic Dalits.

Joysweet accepted their apology and ordered them to be marched off to the tarmac to be burnt alive. They were baptized before they were torched. The media persons could not help admiring Joysweet's sense of justice that paralleled that of the medieval popes who had meted out similar punishments to the Cathar Brahmins and the Brahmin Knights Templar both of whom had oppressed the French and the Italian Dalits respectively.

Mother Joysweet then blessed the Hispanic Dalits. She then turned to her beloved Navyshastra activists and asked: "How are the polls coming along?" They answered animatedly that the electorate overwhelmingly wanted Vincent Mashlan to be nominated Junior Saint. Joysweet smiled knowingly, and humbly added, "If that is what the people want, who am I to decide otherwise? Please organize a junior sainthood ceremony in Sorryville, Michigan next week."

A celebration erupted spontaneously. Mother Joysweet boarded her limousine and left for her ashrama in Michigan.